I recently read a piece of good advice about being a writer. Don’t envy another writer’s career. Every writer’s path to success will be unique. These are definitely words to live by for any career not just writing.
Still, if I’m honest, sometimes it’s horribly difficult not to compare myself to other writers and wonder why I’m not as successful as I perceive them to be. Never mind that they might have started writing years before me, or that they’ve been working their butts off to get where they are. I know comparison and envy are rampant in publishing. Writers looking for an agent envy their friends who have one. Mid-list writers envy their New York Times best-selling friends and so on.
Comparing yourself to someone else is an insidious game without a winner. I’ve noticed that I never compare myself to someone who’s at the same stage of their career. Instead, I choose someone years ahead of me. Believe me, I try to steer clear of such comparisons but every once in a while something triggers them. . .like reading those damn things called writer’s blogs.
We want to know what other writers are up to–especially the successful ones. We hope to glean magic bits of information from them. Inevitably, we run across a post where the writer whines discusses the writing life–how difficult it is to be a published writer what with deadlines, re-writes, and promo to do. Oh, and by they way, their third book is available for purchase.
Reading a post like that can drive you crazy if you’re waiting to be published. This goes back to my point about comparison and even context. The author of said post isn’t being boastful or insensitive–we’ll give them the benefit of the doubt. They’re just at a different place in their career then you are. Stop thinking they’re ungrateful, take what information you can use and move on. The truth is unless you’ve walked in their shoes you don’t know what it’s like. You might feel exactly the same way when you get to that point in your career.
Comparing yourself to someone else will ultimately drive you crazy and make you feel miserable. The truth is I’m never going to be Nora Roberts or Stephen King because . . .well . . .I’m not Nora Roberts or Stephen King. That doesn’t mean I won’t be successful in my own right. However, the chances of enjoying my career diminish dramatically if I constantly compare myself to others. I think it’s an easy trap to fall into and one writers need to be vigilant about avoiding. I want to be happy and excited for any writer who is able to eke out some success in this business because it’s not easy to do.
{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }
I think there is some value to constructive comparison. Obviously if we fixate on “why are they successful and I’m not?” we’re setting ourselves up for misery. But we can look at other writers and ponder, “What are they doing well that might work for me too?” Or “How are they tapping a market that I am missing?”
It comes down to learning, of course, and comparison is part of that to the extent that we have to engage in some self-examination in context. The danger, as you suggest, is in letting that process morph into envy.
I actually do a fair amount of comparison with others, though it tends to not be with the Big Brand Authors. I am most curious about what authors who are closer to where I am, but further along the trail, are doing well. If someone has three or four or five books out, and is making a go of it, I wonder if they might be doing something worth emulating. That’s where the self-reflection becomes critical though. You have to remain true to yourself. Learn from, but don’t lose yourself in, others.
Mary Frances, I know the feeling you’re talking about. I agree with you–it’s not a healthy one. Yes, we should and can read about these other authors to learn, but the why them/why not me road takes us nowhere.
Hopefully, hopefully, we’ll all get where we want, but it’ll be in its own time.
It’s funny that you picked Nora Roberts. I first started writing when she did. She has four thousand books published and I have written five. The difference? Talent maybe, but I believe this more likely – she kept writing and I stopped.
That to me, is the bottom line. Just write.
Bill,
Dang, there you go again being way more insightful than my original post. I think your approach to the topic is much more practical. It’s true too, you can learn a lot by watching those a little further down the road. At some point I want to do a post about the incredible generosity of writers. Almost all the writers I’ve met have been incredibly encouraging and supportive.
Becky,
Thanks for letting me know I’m not alone:).
Terri,
This is totally the best part of blogging–the great stories and bits of wisdom you get from other people’s comments. I agree with you and still I struggle with it:).
Bill’s right–there is some value in it. But there is also a strong danger.
For years now I’ve had this saying taped on my monitor, where I MUST see it every day:
“If you compare yourself to others you may become vain or bitter, for always there are greater and lesser persons than yourself.”
It’s a weakness for me, so I’m always trying to NOT do it!
Susan,
I love that saying. It pretty much sums up the sentiment in one sentence. I think I’ll print it out and tape it somewhere too.